Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize