we have pet lesbian snakes
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
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