wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
