i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
