Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
