I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
wow bdsm is so cute
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
