We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
