oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
