I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
