scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
