Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
