we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
