you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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