True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
