Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
