ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize