Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
