i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
