did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
