Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
sarcasm needs its own font
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
