Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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