Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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