My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
