I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
