dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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