I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize