I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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