Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
