Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
