I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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