we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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