We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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