And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
