Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize