Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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