Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
