god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
