Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
