i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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