She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
the day after is always just damage control
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize