Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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