she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
