I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
