Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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