She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
