my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The struggles of a small town man whore
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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