The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize