just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
