I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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