your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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