ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
