Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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