You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
