I just made out with a guy for $7.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
