I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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