??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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