if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
