I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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