Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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