I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
