No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize