I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I am mentally ready for anal.
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