You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
