it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
