Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
zippers are such a cool invention
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
