Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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