dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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