Only a mothe r could love this liver
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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