well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
