No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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