if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You did what with his pubic hair?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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