As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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