I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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