I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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