I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
