Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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