the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize