Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
