i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
