Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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