The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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