My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I am mentally ready for anal.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
