i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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