1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
