I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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