I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
