The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize