The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
