1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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