Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
