so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
