some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize