She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
