we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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