you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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