cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
