I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
