We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
