Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
