Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
