dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
