The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
