are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
