i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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