If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
