i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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