Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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